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Living With Kids After Divorce 101

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There are several things that you need to take care of after the finality of divorce with your former spouse. Among these things is focusing on how to raise your children. Whether you like it or not, your kids are not going to accept the divorce right away. As such, you must never blame them for feeling that way because their reaction is only normal. What you need to do is to remain strong and keep yourself together so that you can still do what is best for them.

 

In this article, we are going to share some of the things that you need to remember, if you want to live peacefully and happily with your kids, after the divorce. Before anything else, we want to emphasize that the journey is not going to be easy. There will be a lot of days and nights when you would wish that things were different. However, with proper courage and determination, everything is within your reach. Here are the top tips to remember:

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Give Them Time To Heal

 

Take note that you are not the only person who has suffered pain from the divorce with your former spouse. Keep in mind that you also have children who will need to live with the consequences of having a broken family. As such, do not expect them to move on immediately from the separation. Instead, give them time to process what happened and give them the necessary space to heal. You need to stop insisting that things are going to get better. They need to see it for themselves.

 

Stop Blaming Your Ex

 

Now that you are already living with the kids on your own, you must also make sure that you will avoid blaming their father for the divorce. Never put your ex-husband on the bad light to make yourself better. Otherwise, you will end up having issues with them. At the same time, it can also increase the possibility of rebellion on their part. They may start to think that your family is so troublesome to the point that they will seek comfort and affection from other people. They may also find friends who are a bad influence on them.

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Co-Parent With Your Ex

 

Remember that just because the marriage ended does not mean that you are the only parent left for your kids. Keep in mind that even after the divorce, you have no choice but to co-parent with your ex-spouse. It means that you may need to agree on the visitation rights as well as on the amount of support. You need to see to it that the other party is also responsible for all his obligations to your children. Never become too proud to accept help because it is your right. Aside from this, you must also take note that in making significant decisions for your children, there may still be a necessity to consult with your ex. Otherwise, there will be more trouble between the two of you.

 

 

“I Still Do”: 5 Simple Ways To Strengthen Marriages

In many cases, people often think that marriages are good only during the first few years. Married couples have a feeling they have lost the fire they once had during the courting stage. It seems like as couples get closer and become more familiar with each other, the spark and romance fades out. Suddenly, what is left are daily routines, obligations with the kids, the pressure to provide, and all the stressful to-do’s. This situation is what therapists confront day in, day out when it comes to marriage counseling.

However, what people do not often realize, strengthening marriages does not mean that you need to make all the grand gestures once again. Here are 5 of these many simple ways to keep your married life full of love:

  • Say “I Love You” As Often As You Can
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As necessary as this may seem, a lot of married couples forget to say “I love you” over time. They set it aside, thinking that they can always show that they love their partner through acts of service. While there is nothing wrong with saying ‘I love you,’ it remains to be an essential reminder of the love that you both built together. There is always something special about it between couples. So make it a point to say “I love you” at least every day. When you wake up, before you go to work, when you are about to go home, before going to sleep, or anytime you feel like it, say it. You never know when it will be the last.

  • Talk Over A Cup Of Coffee

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As couples get deeply engrossed in the responsibilities confronting their marriages, it is effortless to get distracted. Most of the time, couples overlook the importance of taking time to sit down with their partners and talk. Aside from saying “I love you,” it is imperative that you ask your partner how their day went, what was it about their day that made it unique or stressful or even the mundane things like what they had for lunch. It makes your partner feel that you are interested in them and what they do. It makes them feel important and valued.

  • Sit Together Quietly

If you ever run out of things to talk about or you are just not the type of couple who loves long conversations, take the time to sit together and spend time quietly. Look for your happy place – whether it be on the balcony, on top of the roof, out in your garden, or just in your room. It serves as a great reminder to your partner that you will be there no matter what. It sends a particular message of love that brings forth comfort and security, thereby making your partner feel safe in your company. It lets you spend quality time together without thinking of all the stressful activities from the world and have you celebrate the fact that you have each other at the end of the day.

  • Express Your Appreciation

Another common issue among married couples is focusing on wrongdoings and not appreciating the good ones. Many wives and husbands feel neglected by their spouses because of the failure to say appreciative words. So even amid difficulties, and more so in good times, do not forget to appreciate your partner for trying, for being there, for giving their all, and for never giving up. Sometimes, when times are rough, all it takes are kind words to help your spouse to keep going.

  • Hold Your Partner’s Hands

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Physical intimacy is another critical factor in keeping your married life happy. A lot of couples also seem to set this aside as time goes by, even if they live under the same roof. When trials come, you may go and give your best advice; but often, when all has been said and done, all that your partner needs is a hand to hold. Cliche as it may seem, the simple gesture of holding your partner’s hand or hugging them makes such a huge difference. Besides, nothing is ever cliche when you are in love.

Married life, like any other thing in the world, needs to be cultivated and nurtured. You cannot expect it to grow on its own involuntarily without any effort. It needs work – a lot of it even – to keep the marriage going on for a long time. These simple gestures are only a few of the many things that you can do to strengthen your marriage and prove that after all these years, you “still do.”

2015 Minnesota Psychotherapy Conference: 3 Tips To Avoid Marital Problems

Upon receiving the invitation to participate in the 2015 Minnesota Psychotherapy Conference, we were quick to presume that the subject matters it would cover would be similar to other seminars we went to before. “They would talk about depression or anxiety first. Then, they might tackle the benefits of online counseling.” Although that was not far off from the reality, something we did not foresee was the inclusion of marriage counseling in the list of topics.

To commemorate the third year since we attended the conference mentioned above, therefore, let us share three tips on how to avoid marital problems.

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Marital Benefits Of Practicing Mindfulness

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Oldies often say that it is healthy for married couples to argue sometimes. It adds flavor and color to their mundane life. It allows them to express their personal opinions about important matters. Best of all, it gives them a reason to kiss and makeup and act more lovey-dovey than ever.

Nonetheless, disagreements that occur far too often can be dangerous for any relationship. The innocent banter turns into a full-blown yelling match all of a sudden. Each party wants to prove how wrong the other person is, and vice versa. The fights that used to happen behind closed doors erupt even in front of friends and family too.

Where is the love in this kind of situation?

In case you sit down one day with your spouse and wonder how you can resolve your issues, our recommendation is for you two to practice mindfulness. Together – not separately. Check out the benefits it may bring to your marital life.

Your Composure Won’t Be All Over The Place

The first aspect that being mindful can change is your lack of composure. You need the latter to speak calmly and choose the proper words to explain something. It is easy to lose, though, primarily if you always charge like a wrecking ball when arguing with your significant other. But once you concentrate on finding peace within yourself, you may be able to compose yourself again and lessen the household fights.

You Can Overcome Problems Better

When you are not in zen mode, you tend to let a misunderstanding brew and mature before you confront your husband or wife about it. You may want more evidence too, which allows suspicions to stay in your mind for an extended period. The result is that an issue that you could’ve solved early starts toying with your head, giving you more negative ideas.

To get rid of that problem, you should try meditating. The activity can clear your mental confusion and help you seek the truth fast. Thus, you won’t need to harbor ill feelings, which may even be baseless.

Stress Cannot Affect Your Relationship

Practicing mindfulness lets you imagine all the stressful vibes you garnered during the day flowing out of your body. With your eyes closed, you can see the empty spaces that stress left getting filled with white or rainbow light, energizing and illuminating every fiber in your body. Considering you and your spouse do it at once, the pressure that you might both obtain from work or other aspects of life won’t destroy your marriage.

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Admitting Your Fault Isn’t That Difficult

For disagreeing couples, it is not beyond them to blame each other for something. Say, if the husband forgot to pay the electric bills on time, he might accuse the wife of not reminding him before its due date. The latter won’t back down, for sure, and talk about how irresponsible the man can be. In short, no one wishes to accept that a mishap occurred because of them.

Well, what’s impressive about doing meditation is that you can realize how silly your issues are compared to the problems of people from the rest of the world. You argue about forgetting to pay the bills, while others have no idea how to get a job or find food for their family. It is a humbling experience, frankly speaking, and that’s the kind of wake-up call that we sometimes need to stop fighting.

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Have A Happily Ever After

Doesn’t it seem so effortless to envision forever with your spouse now that you are no longer sniping and being mean to one another?

Of course, small problems do not always have to explode into something that’s difficult to fix if you talk. However, in case that’s all you have been doing, and the fights are far from dying down, then you should commit to practicing mindfulness. You can do it at home by yourselves or in a studio with a guru. The significant thing here is that after a session or two, you see the benefits mentioned above in you.

Good luck!

 

 

Strengthening Relationships With The Truth Therapy

Some relationships tragically end because of lies which are unavoidable sometimes. There are instances that we do or say things that are hurtful to the people dear to us, and we think that we are protecting them by tailoring the reality.

“Though shall not lie.” But why do we still do it? It is sad for some marriages that have ended because of all the white lies that piled up and have become too painful.

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What are white lies?

White lies are the things we need to say that aren’t big of a deal to hide a disturbing truth. These are told to avoid conflicts or misunderstandings. Even if they are not too offensive, they could start the fire that will burn the whole house down.

 

“The truth shall set you free,” and it will! Communication and honesty are two essential elements of a successful relationship whether it is in marriage, friendship, or other connections.

 

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How Can The Truth Therapy Strengthen A Relationship?

 

  1. It Provides Self-Awareness.

The truth therapy makes you know yourself better. It aims to uncover all the things that you are hesitant to reveal. You may have some things you want to keep to yourself or things that are unacceptable. In truth therapy, the goal is to bring out all there is that you may be hiding which are affecting your life.

 

  1. It Promotes Trust.

Once a person knows the power of telling the truth, he will start to believe in the positive things it does to his relationships, therefore is open to trying it out to build a better connection to all the people around him. He gets the idea that there is freedom from telling the truth and sincerity to relationships.

 

  1. It Opens Opportunities.

When you are transparent and are willing to expose your strengths and weaknesses, the people around you will have an understanding of your behavior and how to treat and approach you.

 

  1. It Takes Away Fear.

You are fearful when you are hiding something. When you have revealed all there is, no one can say things that will affect you. You and the people who matter know the truth, and that makes you more courageous to face anything in life.

 

  1. It Starts A New Beginning.

Honesty clears your path of the hindrances that were blocking your journey to success. It starts with self-awareness, and it continues to realizations about life. It makes you reflect on your goals and makes your decisions less complicated.

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The truth is a sign of commitment, may it be to yourself, to other people, or to life itself. It is a sign of sincerity that you have the real desire or intention. There are times when the truth is hidden to avoid the worse things from happening, but there’s a quote which says, “Better to get hurt by the truth than be comforted with a lie.”

Always choose to stick to the truth because it is one thing that we share with the people who are valuable to us. If you care about a person and your relationship, you will go your way to tell nothing but the whole truth because sometimes, things can hurt them worse when they hear it from somebody else.

Find out about online therapies that can help you strengthen your relationships by checking BetterHelp – an online portal providing e-counseling services.