According to Michelle Farris, a marriage and family therapist, “Divorce is one of the most stressful events anyone can ever experience.” There are several things that you need to take care of after the finality of divorce with your former spouse. Among these things is focusing on how to raise your children. Whether you like it or not, your kids are not going to accept the divorce right away. As such, you must never blame them for feeling that way because their reaction is only normal. What you need to do is to remain strong and keep yourself together so that you can still do what is best for them. “Detaching from an ex-partner may be especially difficult for people who are anxiously attached in the first place,” says Gwendolyn Seidman Ph.D.
In this article, we are going to share some of the things that you need to remember, if you want to live peacefully and happily with your kids, after the divorce. Before anything else, we want to emphasize that the journey is not going to be easy. There will be a lot of days and nights when you would wish that things were different. However, with proper courage and determination, everything is within your reach. Here are the top tips to remember:
Give Them Time To Heal
Take note that you are not the only person who has suffered pain from the divorce with your former spouse. Keep in mind that you also have children who will need to live with the consequences of having a broken family. As such, do not expect them to move on immediately from the separation. Instead, give them time to process what happened and give them the necessary space to heal. You need to stop insisting that things are going to get better. They need to see it for themselves.
Stop Blaming Your Ex
Now that you are already living with the kids on your own, you must also make sure that you will avoid blaming their father for the divorce. Never put your ex-husband on the bad light to make yourself better. Otherwise, you will end up having issues with them. At the same time, it can also increase the possibility of rebellion on their part. They may start to think that your family is so troublesome to the point that they will seek comfort and affection from other people. They may also find friends who are a bad influence on them.
Co-Parent With Your Ex
Remember that just because the marriage ended does not mean that you are the only parent left for your kids. Keep in mind that even after the divorce, you have no choice but to co-parent with your ex-spouse. It means that you may need to agree on the visitation rights as well as on the amount of support. You need to see to it that the other party is also responsible for all his obligations to your children. Never become too proud to accept help because it is your right. Aside from this, you must also take note that in making significant decisions for your children, there may still be a necessity to consult with your ex. Otherwise, there will be more trouble between the two of you. For Dan Peters Ph.D., “By becoming aware of my feelings and expectations for my child, I was able to understand and question my belief system about what it means to be a good parent and what I really wanted for my child.”